Trying to keep it together

I have been absent from the online world lately. My days are filled with all things back-to-school, volleyball practices, registration, senior pictures, preschool (at home) preparations, being a good wife, keeping our home in order and taking some down time with the family. It has consumed my time! I have had some really good days as well as some trying ones. So far, both girls are ready to start school next week. They both are fully registered, picked up books, got lockers and have completed everything needed for a smooth start. They also have been going through volleyball conditioning all summer long and had try-outs last week. Both of them made the Girl's Varsity team! The first scrimmage of the season is today. It is going to be a treat to watch my girls play together on the same team. They are excited about it as well...it is heart-warming :)

I have been getting things together for William to get him ready for kindergarten next year. It is so different teaching him that it was with the girls. I beat myself up a lot because there is so much he does not know or has trouble with. I feel like I am failing him most days. Sometimes I have a good cry and want to throw in the towel and just put him in pre-k. Other days, he does an amazing job and shows how much he is absorbing. My problem is that when my girls were little, technology had not quite blossomed yet. We didn't have a computer until the oldest started kindergarten and it was a while before we obtained digital gadgets. Of course back in the day, our means of learning was to physically go to the library and check out books for projects. Now in this day, our kids will receive mandatory mini notebook computers for school use. I am surprised they still have actual books. I know one thing though, some of the most basic things in life can't be taught from a computer. I have vowed to focus in on William and make sure I give him all I can over the course of the next year, to get him where he needs to be. I will fight through my own insecurities and anxiety and do whatever it takes.

If anyone has any tips to share on things I can incorporate into preschool at home, I would appreciate it! So is everyone ready for school to start back?

Can you lose weight without trying?

Last year around this time, I was going through something I never imagined I would have to deal with... my weight. For most of my life I have been very underweight. As a child I was so underweight that I was teased and ridiculed about it. It was very hard and I spent many nights crying myself to sleep feeling a lot of shame and pain.  Nobody knows how much I longed to gain weight. Fast forward to after having William... I weighed what would be called a healthy weight. I was the average for my height and weight for the first time in my life (without being pregnant). Then it came to a point that I was at the top of that average weight. It started to freak me out because my wedding rings no longer fit and all of my clothes were too small. I figured that maybe it was my time. I finally gained the weight I desired my entire life.

I think I came to a point when I started to break down after trying on swimwear and finding that I was no longer in Junior's sizes. Last year at this time, I became very interested in reading about health and nutrition. Although I have heard it before, I read an article about drinking diet sodas and my favorite Crystal Light. I found out how they trick your body and make you crave bad foods. I have always been a sweets freak and junk food addict since childhood.  Could this be true? I used to drink about 2-3 packets of Crystal Light everyday especially during the Summer months and exclusively purchased diet soft drinks. I figured zero calories made sense. I couldn't have been more WRONG! I stopped all of the diet beverages and replaced them with water and indulged in the occasional soda. As a matter of fact, I switched from using margarine and butter spreads to real butter. I noticed almost right away that I slowed down tremendously on eating sweets and junk food. I wasn't having as many cravings to eat bad stuff.  It's as if I was changing my naughty ways. I started to find that my pants were fitting less snug. I had to start wearing a belt with my jeans and even had to tighten it on occasion. So one year later I am finally able to put on my wedding rings and I can wear things that were too small very easily. As a matter of fact, I can't wear most of the clothing I have since they are too big. I need to buy all new stuff. I stepped on the scale at the gym last week and could not believe it. I don't weigh much more than my teenagers!  My advice to you if you are trying to lose weight is to kick the diet drinks!

Mommy anxiety, do you have it?

For weeks now I have been starting posts and then hitting "backspace" and deleting everything I wrote. Anxiety takes over and I walk away from the computer. Is what I am about to write going to offend anyone? Is it interesting or thought provoking? Countless thoughts go through my head and I have to sit down and take a few deep breaths. I start thinking about everything... Am I doing enough with training William to become more independent? Am I giving the girls enough of myself to help them be better women? Am I a good enough wife? What do I cook today? Why have I stopped using coupons? I don't call people often enough. Why am I avoiding certain things? The grass needs to be cut and the house needs repairs. Why on earth am I feeling like backspacing this whole post? Where is all this stupid anxiety coming from anyway? Please pardon how poorly and very randomly written this post is. Maybe I just think too much! My brain needs a vacation :)

Do you suffer from anxiety? What tips can you share?

Do people take your blogging for a joke?

A lot of times when I tell people I am related to or those I know very well that I am a blogger, they say they don't have time for the computer like I do. They brush off what I do as if it is strictly a hobby and act as if I must not have anything better to do with my time. I hear things like "I don't know how people can stay on Facebook all day" or "I don't have time to look at blogs and don't know how stuff like that even works". Well I have been doing this now for years and at first it was more of a personal journal/social thing. It has blossomed over time and I now have PR firms I work with that provide me with products to review, host giveaways and sometimes even pay me to write. Blogging has become a part-time business for me. It has allowed me the opportunity to contribute to my household no matter how small it is. I don't want to sit on a computer all day long. I don't want to Tweet or Facebook all day long. I do it throughout the day in between taking care of my homemaker/SAHM duties. I do it because it helps my family. I never set out to become a "Mommy Blogger". It just happened one day. It is a lot of work to put out good posts and reviews. Some are easier than others. I really wish I would get the respect I deserve for my contributions as a mom blogger.  After all, don't moms know best anyway?

Spouse guilt and the stay-at-home mom

I have been a stay-at-home mom for 17 years. I admit that I take my mothering gig overboard at times. I do a lot for my children..after all I am a stay-at-home MOM. Last night Dwayne took me out for dinner and drinks. It had been a few months since we went out on a date night so we were very much overdue for one. It was a great evening except for the couple times that I was looked at with a tad bit disgust because I was having discussions about the kids. I was not trying to talk about them that much...it just sort of happens. I am with 1 or more of my children for almost 24 hours of every day. Isn't it only natural for me to mention them to their dad? Well after last night I realized that I need to watch that when it comes time to having that alone time with the husband. I feel so badly for not making our evening enough about him...about us. I really have to work on that. We do plan on making date night a regular event so we stay connected.

If you are a stay-at-home parent, have you encountered the same issue we have? Do you go out on dates regularly?

Hey mom, what's for dinner?

This has become a question that I cringe when I hear it. I am going through a loss of creativity when it comes to cooking dinner in recent weeks. The teenagers go through phases of where they eat like models and then other times that they eat like football players. This can mean that either I cook and the food wastes or they want to eat everything other than what I cooked. I ask my husband every time I go to the store~ "Do you want anything?" The answer is almost always the same... "No".  When I ask the family for suggestions on what I should cook it seems like no one can come up with anything realistic. We all get tired of chicken, fish, shrimp.... One wants pasta and the rest feel ill at the thought of pasta. I myself love vegetables...all kinds. The rest of the family doesn't always care for what I like. What to do?? *DEEP SIGH* I need some new ideas of what to make because I am fresh out. I see why so many people eat out. I know I can't be the only one that feels this way...

My tribute to working moms

I read about it all the time~ the moms who work full-time jobs and have to come home to laundry, bills, cooking, cleaning...oh yeah and being a mom! You are exhausted from the work day but still you make sure your little ones are fed, bathed, read to and just loved. If your child has a doctor's appointment you put in for a few hours off to take care of it. If you get called at work that your kid is in the nurse's office with a fever, you hop into your mom taxi and whisk them up and make sure you do all you can to cure what ails them. Some of you who blog have obligations to PR firms and have a mountain of posts to publish each night. You somehow manage to get through them even if it means you might get 4 hours of sleep. Some moms are still taking college classes, trying to get to the next level. There are classes, homework and exhaustion yet you persevere. You get that degree. Some of you are doing this alone [without a husband]. You sacrifice everything for the sake of your children. I am in awe of the working mothers who "do it all". You are the ones that wear the cape to me. You are all my hero!

I am facing facts

I was having a little conversation with the kids yesterday evening and the subject was me. The girls were making comments how young I look and how I am the youngest mom in their group. This is probably why I don't have any friends, I never seem to fit in. Then Chardie informs me that I will probably be one of the oldest moms when William becomes school age. I felt like I was hit in the gut. Wow, to say that I am 37 I really do not feel that way. I think I feel more like a mature 20-something. I can just see all the young mommies in the carpool line in their Hybrid cars and then there will be me in my old lady ride.

The girls had the TLC show on called Four Weddings and started discussing their weddings. I was starting to feel sick. Weddings already? Trust me, I am very happy that they are looking forward to getting married but damn, it will be here before I know it! William turns 3 in March and I am still undecided if I will put him in public school or home school him. Why in the world am I feeling like my kids are going to be gone tomorrow? I guess time does go by way quicker when you are an "experienced" adult. I just know that I enjoy every second of every minute I have with my sweet family.

I let my cape air out some days

I mentioned about a month ago right after school started that I was going to do my best to not get overwhelmed being a busy mom and wife. I sometimes say these things and do not always follow through. Well I am proud to report that I have stuck with my decision and couldn't be happier! There are days that I leave some dishes in the sink until the next day. I might give myself a break by not cooking a made from scratch meal and throw something prepackaged on the stove (shocking for me). I have even taken a break from always saying "yes" to everyone. It's been good. I feel so healthy and mentally happy. I know I can't do it all and I make sure I let my cape air out from time to time. Overwhelmed woman does not live here anymore :)

Taking my sweet time

Ever since the kids went back to school I came to a realization and made a decision. I am going to take my time to do things. Moms tend to get overwhelmed very quickly and this can lead to making careless mistakes. I have realized that I do a lot, probably too much on a daily basis. I watched a video clip the other day about overwhelmed moms and they talked candidly about the things they did unintentionally due to be overburdened with life. I really don't want to go there. I have has close-calls in the past and really don't ever want that to happen again. So this school year I am taking time to take care of myself and take breaks throughout the day. I do enough and I am enough. If clothes don't get put away today, life will go on. If there are toys on the floor, life will go on. If I say "no" to a volunteer job, life will go on. I like the feeling of being well rested and organized and it makes me a way better mom and wife. Remember moms, we can't do it all!

From youngest mom to oldest?

I was thinking about my children (which is nothing unusual) and how when the girls were little I was one of the youngest moms of the bunch. Most moms has already hit their mid 30's and even 40's. I did not fit in at all. Funny thing is with William, I will be one of the "older" moms. How crazy is that? I wonder if it will be the same just that I will be older this time around?! I just can't win :/

Shelly is de-funked

I wrote a post the other day about not feeling like myself and found the culprit. I was taking vitamins and they were messing with me in a big way. I thought that maybe I needed to take a multi-vitamin to give my body some of those important vitamins and minerals I might not be getting daily. I noticed that taking these vitamins my appetite increased to where I would eat ALL day long. Might I add, eating all the wrong things and indulging in a lot of sweets and junk food. I realized that this changed my mood and physical feelings. I decided to stop the vitamins and 24 hours later the normal Shelly came back to the world. I am so happy to be back. No more multi-vitamins for me! I will stick to calcium and vitamin C supplements. I'm baaack!!!

I just don't know

I really don't know what my problem is these days. I have not been feeling like myself at all. It's as if I was taken outside of myself even though my body is still there. I don't know what it is. I have not even been blogging and that bothers me. I have lost focus it seems. I really need to get it back. I am sure most of you have the same issue from time to time. I am taking some vitamins and trying to set goals with time limits and see how that works out. I am one of those people that will put in the necessary time to meet deadlines. I am going to make up my own deadlines and stick to that. I am hoping to get my mojo back soon. Do you ever go through this kind of funk? What do you do to get yourself back?

Just random

Wow, I did not think I would say this but I am ready for the girls to go back to school. I have enjoyed having them around and they are so helpful to me but it's just time to go. I have not been on a proper schedule at all. My eating is so not right. Too much snacking with the kids around or I just don't eat on time. I am always scattered all over the place and I don't like it. I much prefer most things to be planned out and scheduled. I make myself sound so dull and boring but if you have a few children you might be likely to get what I'm saying. I am trying to also stay away from the computer a little more too. It seems that social networking is almost taking over my life and I am not allowing that to happen. I am taking charge and will do my best to stick with my plan. Sorry, I told you it was random!

My life has been taken over!

I just don't get it. I used to watch TV, go out to lunch with friends, and go anywhere I wanted when I wanted. I walked into my bedroom this afternoon to fold the 50 loads of laundry that have been neglected. I figured I might as well get it done while Willie was actually taking a nap. I picked up the remote control, (from Dwayne's side of the bed of course) I press "power" and there was some random sci-fi movie on (Dwayne again) so I type in the number 28. Problem. Channel 28 is not Food Network, HGTV, SoapNet, local news, or A&E. Channel 28 is Noggin. I am so programmed to catering to my little guy that I automatically turn to his channel! Now the really ridiculous part is I sit there and get all into the shows! Dwayne, Chardie and Brie do it as well. They even go to Noggin on Demand to watch thier favorite shows over and over. We even love some shows that we claimed we would never watch in our lives. If you have a little one then you know exactly what I'm talking about! I am singing "Go Diego Go!" in my head as I type. Truly my life has been taken over but I am not complaining one bit :)

Happy Birthday William Anthony Ismail

The Moment of Truth is Here !
You have waited a long time for this !
I give you the fabulous, super terrific, powerful, Awesome


William Anthony Ismail

Bad mom!

I have an awful confession to make. You see the cookies pictured above? Well, they were sort of supposed to be for a school function happening this Saturday as a contribution from me since I can't physically volunteer. I convinced my children that we needed those cookies for ourselves and that I would buy some other cookies to replace them. The kids tried to stop me but I just had to have some!!! Six to be exact! I don't even feel guilty... I had to have something to make me drink milk!!! For the baby of course... Six weeks to go!

Baby news

Hey y'all! I just wanted to give you a quick update on my pregnancy. I know it has been a couple weeks since I posted. Let's just say that having babies in your early 20's and then one when you are 34 make you realize you feel a lot more in your older age. I have been getting extremely tired and have been taking extra time to rest and take care of myself. My computer is downstairs and this means me having to make several extra trips that wear me out! My laptop has officially died on me so I am hoping my wonderful husband will purchase a wireless card to put in one of the desktops so I can have it upstairs with an internet connection. (*hint, hint)

I went to see the doc this morning for my routine visit. I am now almost 30 weeks along. We have chosen to have a c-section with this baby since I had one with my last child. Our delivery date is set to welcome William into the world on March 19! I chose this time because my kids will be off from school for Spring Break and I sure could use their helping hands during my first week of recovery. They are so thrilled and can't wait to see their new baby brother. I will have another ultrasound in 2 weeks and the whole family will attend. I am doing so well and I thank you all for your prayers and well wishes during this amazing journey.

I'm still here

I know I have been away from the blogging scene recently. I have been down with a cold for a little over a week now. Thankfully I am on the mend and I am starting to feel like my old energetic self again. We are also in the process of moving the girls into their new rooms. I did not realize what a big production it is turning out to be! It is difficult moving beds and furniture down a flight of very narrow and steep steps. Of course I am not lifting anything so the job is going very slowly. Those of you moms out there that know when you want something done you gain that super woman strength and get the job done! Well, I have to rely on being a supervisor this time :( I really do miss doing normal stuff, but have to admit that it is a little nice kicking my feet up and chillin' on the couch! I went to the doctor on Monday and he is thrilled with my progress. I gained 5 pounds in 4 weeks! I am still just all belly at this point so I will hang on to my regular clothes with hopes of getting back into them again.

Who am I again?

I have been having a really bad problem recently, even more so since finding out I was pregnant. I can't seem to remember anything. I literally have a thousand sticky notes and anything I can grab to write on posted all over my house in order for me to remember the smallest things. My husband and children have been extremely patient and understanding with me. I think everyone else thinks I am losing it for sure. Maybe I need to do those word search or crossword puzzles to get my mental juices flowing. A girlfriend of mine is pregnant right now (1 month ahead of me) and she is having the same problem. It really makes you feel like there is something wrong with you.

Does anyone have any advice for me? Were you this bad during your pregnancy or do you know someone who was this way?