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Oct 1, 2011

Spouse guilt and the stay-at-home mom

I have been a stay-at-home mom for 17 years. I admit that I take my mothering gig overboard at times. I do a lot for my children..after all I am a stay-at-home MOM. Last night Dwayne took me out for dinner and drinks. It had been a few months since we went out on a date night so we were very much overdue for one. It was a great evening except for the couple times that I was looked at with a tad bit disgust because I was having discussions about the kids. I was not trying to talk about them that much...it just sort of happens. I am with 1 or more of my children for almost 24 hours of every day. Isn't it only natural for me to mention them to their dad? Well after last night I realized that I need to watch that when it comes time to having that alone time with the husband. I feel so badly for not making our evening enough about him...about us. I really have to work on that. We do plan on making date night a regular event so we stay connected.

If you are a stay-at-home parent, have you encountered the same issue we have? Do you go out on dates regularly?

Shelly, Mom Files
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5 comments

  1. We just recently went on our first date night out ever since we had kids a year ago and it was AMAZING! We had decided that at least once a month we were going to do dinner out or dinner and a movie although it seems like we never make the movie part (old age I guess lol). i admit I don't talk about the kids during the date unless it's to call and check on them . You are right in that it is important to make the time about them or us for that matter during the date. We as moms (not on purpose) get lost in all that comes along with our daily motherhood routine, so having that mental alone time break with the hubby is great!

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  2. Oh gosh, Shelly, i feel you! Girl, at least you all had a date night... that's the first step. I cant remember the last time me and DH kicked it on our own without the boys. And yes, they totally dominate the convo (lol). Fortunately, he doesnt mind talking/laughing about them all night with me. BUT unfortunately, it really does take us away from the romance/getting back to "us" piece that we're so desperately needing.

    Let us know how it goes on your next date night, and what tips/tricks you use to stay away from topics of the kids. Cuz we all need to work on that!

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  3. We go out pretty regularly. There are times I do mention the kids because i probably forgot to tell him something, but its usually something funny. Nothing serious.

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  4. When I was married and a SAHM I would have definitely related to this. It's hard to switch modes at times, from being a mommy to be the attentive wife. But the good thing is that you realize the struggle and you want to do something about it.

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  5. Shelly you know D and I have no problem with this. If anything we might go overboard in the opposite direction, lol, but it's what we like! We are better for it and so are the kids. We talk so much during the day and some night when we are home about our kids. When we are alone, on a date or away for the weekend it's all about me and him and how much fun we can conjure up together.
    Before I got married I would look at my parents who never went on dates and hardly spent much time together alone and say I would learn from it and do different. I believe if they had their relationship would have been much more enjoyable.
    Another thing that helps is remembering this famous saying,...it was me and him before the kids and when they are grown and gone it will be me and him alone again. I want to know who my husband is and what he likes when my kids are grown and gone and the only way I will know that is to know him now. {hope i wasn't long winded ;-)}

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