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Feb 11, 2020

3 Great Ways to Involve Your Kids in a Second Wedding

Second weddings can be tricky. Sometimes they are the result of a tragedy, while other times they can be chalked up to mistakes from the past. No matter the situation, though, there is no reason to make it any less special. After all, this is the start of an amazing journey, and you want your special day to be great and memorable.


One additional complication, however, can come in the form of your kids. Especially for young children, they may be confused about what's going on. And kids of any age are likely to have some strange feelings about how their family is changing.

The best advice is to confront this head-on. Don’t let complex emotions bubble under the surface and turn into real issues. You want to treat your kids as smart people and try to explain everything that’s appropriate to say as clearly as possible. Certainly, this won’t always solve everything, but it is a needed step during the process of change.

And it will only be further solidified with actions. In general, it will be helpful to include your kids in your second wedding from the start. The following tips represent three of the best ways to get them involved and keep them from experiencing any unnecessary confusion.

1. Family Decision-Making

To help make sure all the kids — no matter their age — understand what's happening, you'll want to involve them as early in the process as possible. One great way is by including them in a few decisions from the get-go. Sit them down as you go through things like picking out the invitations and save the date cards. This will show them there is an actual day on the calendar when the change will take place. And that will help make it real in their minds.

2. Guest List Comfort

At the same time, you can also involve the kids in the guest list planning. Much like choosing and sending out invitations, this will further help reinforce the fact that this is an actual event that will take place a few months down the line. But it will also be comforting for them to see how many of their loved ones will be there. They may still be struggling with the change, but this shows them many of the people they know aren’t going anywhere. Many of the extended family and friends who have been constants throughout their life will be right there standing beside you.

3. Wedding Day Considerations

Of course, you also want to involve the children as much as possible on the wedding day itself. As many brides and grooms know, it’s often the young ring bearer and precious flower girls who the rest of the family gets the biggest kick out of seeing. Or, if they're old enough, they may even want to sit at the head table or say something during the reception. Go with your instincts, and no matter what, be sure to check in on them regularly throughout the day. They may be going through some emotions that come out all at once. That's why you need to be there for them, even if it’s easy to get caught up during what is supposed to be your event.

Second Time's the Charm

With any luck, your second wedding will go even better than the first. You've got some experience now after all, right? But while this may be another go-around for you, it might be new for your kids. At any rate, they will certainly be experiencing this event much differently than you.

Transparency and inclusion will make it easier for everyone. Involve the children as early on as possible when it comes to both picking and sending out invitations and save the date cards. Show them the guest list at the same time, so they can see who will be there. And be sure to watch for any problems or insecurities on the wedding day itself.

Kids are resilient and can handle almost anything. Honestly, it seems like they are tougher than adults sometimes. But they are still young, and they can struggle to understand mature subjects. So, be aware of that and try to help them along. That way, the start of your new relationship can be embraced by everybody in the family.
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