Keep Momming

I participated in a campaign on behalf of Mom Central Consulting (#MC) for Shire. I received a promotional item as a thank you for participating.

The relationship that exists between mothers and daughters is unlike any other. It has many unique moments, memories, and yes, even challenges along the way. The relationship dynamic can be even trickier when your daughter is in those tween-age years. What can be even more difficult is when some people dismiss certain behaviors as “typical tween girl behavior” when those behaviors can be symptoms of something more serious. Research suggests that girls are more likely than boys to report having mostly inattentive Attention- Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) symptoms. Since inattentive symptoms can be less noticeable than hyperactive and impulsive symptoms, it is important that moms know what to look for.

I’m proud to be joining forces with Shire, CHADD and Holly Robinson Peete to announce the launch of keep momming, a new public service initiative geared towards the moms of tween girls to raise awareness of ADHD.

The campaign is anchored within a new digital hub, KeepMomming.com, where you’ll find tips, tools and other go-to resources for moms, including a checklist to help recognize the symptoms of ADHD – inattention, impulsivity, and hyperactivity – and then encourages moms to talk to their daughter’s doctor. The keep momming initiative can help moms learn about ADHD and provide ideas on how to spark a conversation and stay connected with their tween.

Don’t miss Holly’s message about the keep momming initiative http://goo.gl/3tqd5q, and be sure to check out the website at KeepMomming.com.

How times have changed when it comes to undergarments

I was chatting with my friend Krystel from ArmyWife101 the other day and we were discussing bras and undergarments for teens. We had both recently taken our teenage daughters to shop for new undergarments and were astonished by the choices. It seems like the bras of today are made for the bedroom (and I'm not talking pajamas) more than for the function it is intended for. We searched through bra after bra and it seemed like every single one was overstuffed with padding to make your breasts appear two sizes larger. Now my daughters are small just like me, but why on earth do they need a bra to make them look like they are a C? It's as if our daughters are not supposed to feel good about what they have and give the illusion that they are busty. I just don't get it. I was so tiny when I was a teenager that I literally wore a negative size. I didn't really wear push-up bras because there was nothing to push up! Now I understand that girls today are a little curvier than before but why do they need their boobs pushed up to their chin and add two more sizes? I have seem so many teens wearing bras that cause spillage and that is not cute!

I feel like it is a disservice to our daughters to purchase bras like this to make their breasts appear fuller than they are. I think it is the wrong way to go about teaching and encouraging high self-esteem. I do let my daughters have a say what they like when we are shopping for undergarments, but I do also put in my two cents. I used to be one of those very insecure girls growing up and even well into my adult years, thinking my breasts weren't big enough. I have learned to be happy with what I was born with and know that my beauty truly comes from within. Everything else is just a bonus. I really believe moms need to be involved in teaching our daughters about wearing the appropriate undergarments. This goes beyond the training bra years!  Don't even get me started on the underwear showing at the top of the super low jeans. I know I sound old-fashioned (because I am) but maybe we need more old-fashioned today!

What are your thoughts?

Tips on battling boredom from a Veteran Mom

School is officially out for the Summer in our city and I think often to times when my kids would say, "I'm bored!" I have been mommin' it up for almost 18 years so I feel like I have a lot of experience dealing with these situations. I took it upon myself to make up a list of some very good tips on how parents can help their kids fight boredom this Summer. I can almost guarantee these will work!

When your kids tell you they are bored you can respond with:

• How about going outside and pulling some weeds from the garden and alongside the house? Why not increase the fun by mowing the lawn? Um, you mean like out in the sun? Where you sweat? 
• How about we go buy 10 Sunday newspapers and clip all the coupons so we can go out on and extreme couponing shopping adventure! They will quickly run away because they don't want to be humiliated pushing 6 carts through the store. 
• Would you like me to have your dad sit you down for one of his lectures? If your husband is like mine, he can talk 'em to tears!
• Go clean the baseboards, ceiling fans and kitchen cabinets. I think my kids would be rolling their eyes in their mind :)
• How about going to the dentist? You can get a cleaning and see what else they find that can be taken care of! If you told me this I would RUN! 
• Go bathe the dog and then blow dry him. Wet dog smell on a teenage girl? Not happening!
• Go read a book. They get all huffy because they felt like that's all they did when school was in session.
• Wanna help paint some rooms in the house? This starts off as fun and after a few swipes they usually start to whine. 

I have tested these out and they all worked the very first time. You can thank me later! ;-)

Raising teen girls

I was having a phone conversation with a good friend the other day and the main topic of discussion was raising teenagers. Having 2 teenage girls at one time has been quite interesting to say the least. Lucky for them I remember very well what it was like to be a teenage girl. I would never want to go back to those years! So far so good with my girls though. They do go through all the emotional stuff and you watch their eating habits flip flop regularly. It is funny how when you are a teenager you think even the littlest thing is the BIGGEST thing in the world. It's as if life is going to end as you know it. I have to constantly remind them that obviously life goes on (I'm still alive and kicking!) They will look back at their teenage years many years from now and wonder why they were so worried over the most insignificant things. History truly repeats itself doesn't it? Some days I feel like choking them but most days I am beyond grateful to have such extraordinary girls! I often wonder what it will be like when William is a teenager. Then again, I can wait! Just let me get through the next few years...

Do you really need money to have kids?

I have been chatting with friends online as well as over the phone lately and there seems to be this one topic that keeps popping up~ Finances and having babies. It appears the majority of people felt that you should be financially stable, have a house, vehicles, credit cards etc... before considering having children. I don't agree with that. I think that the number one thing you can give a child is unconditional love. Once you do that, the rest falls into place.

I am so glad I had the girls while we were young. Although we struggled financially, they never went without all the necessities. Our girls are so appreciative of anything you give them and have become very wise spenders. They are loving and compassionate individuals. William on the other hand has it all and then some. I still make sure to work just as hard to teach him all of the life lessons that we did with the girls. Now I also know some parents (ages 35+) that waited until they bought their house, acquired a cushy bank account and landed the job/career they desired. Guess what? 85% of them wished they had their babies when they were in their 20's. I have heard this from so many people I know!

My point is that babies need minimal "stuff" and a whole lot of love. I am not saying to be irresponsible and just have babies for the heck of it. Life has a way of working out no matter what your financial position might be.

What are your thoughts?

From princess to diva?

I remember when little girls were referred to as princesses. They would be decked out in pink with ruffles and glitter. They were all things sweet and innocent. Of course times change...people change. Now parents refer to little girls (even babies) as a diva. If you look up the definition of the word diva you will find out that it means a celebrated female singer. Ladies like Aretha Franklin, Whitney Houston or Mariah Carey are great examples of a diva. The word "diva" is also used negatively, to describe a celebrity in film or music who is extremely demanding and fussy when it comes to their personal needs or wants.

Now tell me something. Why on earth does a 6 month old baby girl need to be referred to as a diva? Am I missing something here? Little sweet girls are being called a diva like it is a badge of honor. I am not judging you if you do this so please don't get me wrong. I just need some understanding.

What are your thoughts?

And why should kids pay attention?

I took this photo yesterday after seeing an adult ditch their shopping cart next to the cart return area. My guess is that it would have taken an additional 8 seconds to have successfully put it up in the right place. Behavior like this astonishes me. It's lazy and inconsiderate. This person had an older child with her. I guess that child will learn that doing things like this is okay. I know that this is a little thing but children learn from little things. It's our job as adults to be a good example!
These same "parents" are the first ones to try to start a fight with teachers when they hear their child is not listening or following directions in class. Sorry, I just had to vent my frustrations~ Thanks for listening, I feel better now!

I am facing facts

I was having a little conversation with the kids yesterday evening and the subject was me. The girls were making comments how young I look and how I am the youngest mom in their group. This is probably why I don't have any friends, I never seem to fit in. Then Chardie informs me that I will probably be one of the oldest moms when William becomes school age. I felt like I was hit in the gut. Wow, to say that I am 37 I really do not feel that way. I think I feel more like a mature 20-something. I can just see all the young mommies in the carpool line in their Hybrid cars and then there will be me in my old lady ride.

The girls had the TLC show on called Four Weddings and started discussing their weddings. I was starting to feel sick. Weddings already? Trust me, I am very happy that they are looking forward to getting married but damn, it will be here before I know it! William turns 3 in March and I am still undecided if I will put him in public school or home school him. Why in the world am I feeling like my kids are going to be gone tomorrow? I guess time does go by way quicker when you are an "experienced" adult. I just know that I enjoy every second of every minute I have with my sweet family.

Why I refuse to give my kids everything

I was talking to an old friend a couple days ago and the first thing she asks me was how our holiday was. Next question she asks is if the kids got a lot of stuff for Christmas. I told her no. She was puzzled and could not understand why. I told her that I refuse to stress myself out to buy a bunch of things for my kids just for them to have a lot to open on Christmas. I explained that there is indeed life after Christmas. She then goes on and on about all the fancy gifts her young child got as well as how much she and her family members got. Big freakin' deal. Can I afford to buy a bunch of things for my kids? YES. I just won't because these same kids will eventually be adults and will eventually get married and have their own kids. I will not do a disservice to my kids by giving them everything they want. I had plenty as a child and when I was on the streets at 17 (by choice) I did not know how to survive. I was clueless and broken. I had to learn to grow up very fast. I also had to learn that things would not be given to me, I had to make a living. I suffered greatly--walking to where I had to get to, learning to catch the bus, being approached by pimps and strip club promoters, not eating some days because I could not afford it, not having many clothes besides the 3 outfits I left home with. The spoiled girl who grew up like a princess in her designer duds got a rude awakening called "real life". Real life kicked my ass hard.

Even when I got married and we had the girls we still struggled. We had no help from anyone, it was just us. We did not have our own home, no car and Dwayne would work 2-3 jobs at a time so we could buy diapers and eat. We did whatever we had to for our family. We persevered and eventually were in a position to buy a home and really get established. It was a hard road but we have all that we need and then some. My kids don't have an iPod touch but never complain about their $30 mp3 player. They actually laugh at their friends who brag about their brand name stuff and what they paid. One of Brie's friends got some UGG boots for $150. Brie was bragging about her Aeropostale boots that were on sale for $25 and the fact that she was able to get 2 pairs. You see, my kids know the value of the dollar. They know how to spend smart as well as save. They both got a large amount of cash from Dwayne's parents for Christmas to buy whatever they wanted for themselves. The first thing they said to each grandparent was "Are you sure? This is so much money!" I took the girls shopping and they were very selective about what they were willing to spend on. They hit the clearance racks and got a ton of stuff at deep discounts. As a matter of fact they both still have a big bulk of that money left over. I can only hope that they will always be this smart and pass it on to their own children. I am very passionate about raising well-rounded children who know how to make decisions. I want to be able to let them go out into the world and know that they will do just fine. Real talk people.

Busy is nothing without consistency

I was having a conversation with the hubby this morning over coffee and we were discussing how so many parents 'throw' their kids into way too many activities at one time. Some kids do multiple sports and also a musical instrument as well as school and parents think it is the right thing to do. They feel that kids should be kept busy at all times. Now what good does busy do a child if there is no real consistency involved in their day to day? When a child lives a sporadic life at such a young age it seems to me that this can lead to disorganization and chaos. Of course I am no expert so I can't say for sure. Dwayne and I just think kids of today do way more than they should and this leaves less time for them to learn the most important life lessons and life skills that should come directly from their parents. We have made it a point to spend more time individually with our children. Don't get me wrong, our children are involved in activities but are limited to how often and how many at any given time. I think it is imperative that our children are taught about things like finances, paying bills, keeping house and even cooking. After all, what sport will teach them these things? What are your thoughts??

I want my toddler to stop taking naps

Sounds crazy doesn't it? I really want William to stop taking a nap each day. This kid tends to take his nap between about 2:00-3:15 (during afternoon school pick-up). Don't get me wrong, it is probably the most peaceful part of the day but the problem begins at night. The boy thinks that 10:30 and 11:00 are acceptable bedtimes. He in turn stays down late the next morning and repeats the process. I would much prefer that he wakes up at the crack (I love getting up early) and goes to bed by 8 or 9. He really does not act any differently without the nap. I guess I will just have to see how things go over the summer since the girls will be around more. He changes when others are home in the daytime so I guess time will tell!

Question: At what age did your child stop taking afternoon naps?

This really makes me mad

Why in the world does William not listen to me? If Dwayne is around William dares not to try any stupid stuff. The boy will look around the corner to be sure Papo is not around if he is about to do something. When I am reprimanding his butt he looks at his dad the whole time. It really makes me mad because I spend all my time and energy on him. I can tell him "NO" fifty thousand times and it is irrelevant. Papo tells him once and that is all it takes. It really makes me feel so powerless and weak on days that I feel like I am screaming and yelling to make him listen. Ugh, it's been one of those mornings already :(

Tardiness troubles me

I am a stickler for being on time. I don't think there are more than a few instances that I have actually been late (with good reason). Even being 1 minute over the time I am supposed to be somewhere puts me in that "late" category. That would bother me. I take time to prepare myself even for the smallest event to ensure that I am at least 5-10 minutes early. I am the example to my children so I have pounded into them the importance of being on time. They know that being late is a sign of disrespect and shows others that you do not care to be there. The girls are very diligent about preparing for the next day and their nerves go awry at the thought of being late. Punctual parents make punctual kids. I know some people, actually a lot of people who almost brag about how late they are running on a daily basis. If you know you have some place to be at a specific time (well in advance) then what is the excuse? Our kids watch us closely...

Daddy does not play! The importance of strong fathers

Today Dwayne and I took William out with us to run a few errands. One of our stops was by my father-in-law's house. Dwayne let William run around a little in the front yard (it's one of those streets that very few cars drive through). Dwayne's dad had a pile of yard debris including some old wooden boards and it was on a part of the front yard that is on a slope. This was a dangerous area for the little guy to be around so we had to keep a good eye on him. Of course William had to try running over that way and I am screaming for him to stop and he is laughing the whole way over there. Dwayne then does this simple sound like he's clearing his throat loudly and Will stops dead in his tracks. Smile is gone. He slowly walks away from the danger zone. See William knows he can sort of charm his way a bit with me and the big sisters but when it comes to daddy, no way. It ain't happening. Dwayne says that fathers have to "Put the fear of God" in a child to keep them in check. He also says there has to be a line drawn out that they should know they are not to cross. I think we have a pretty good balance between the two of us so hopefully we will have a great experience raising this little boy. I truly believe that strong fathers are such an important part in a child's development. I'm also glad that I can use Dwayne when William gets out of line. It worked like a charm with the girls so we will see what happens with William :)

Glad there was no technology in my days of school

I was driving home this morning after dropping the girls off to school and thought about what school is like in this time and how different it is from my days. Back in my time when report cards came out I would buy myself a good few days to a week before I showed my parents mine. I would hope that none of the other people they worked with would mention that their kids got their report cards. That would be some very stressful days for me! Now in my kids' time, we can read the big flashing sign in front of the school that tells you the exact day report cards come out. You also get an automated call from your principal reminding you about report card day. I must not forget the lovely email reminder as well. Poor kids, they couldn't get away with what some of us could back in the day!

Another great parent tool we have is Parent Portal. This would vary depending on your district but it is a website that you can sign into to check your kids grades, absences and tardies. I have even set up to get emails each time teachers update my child's record with any information. This really keeps you informed and is a great deterrent for if they even think about cutting class. Lucky for me my kids come to me about their school related stuff but you never know if something can get left out on purpose. Boy oh boy am I ever so lucky that there was no real technology in my time!! I'm sure some of you agree ;-)

Father & Son time

The boys headed out in the backyard to check on what was left of our garden.

There's farmer Dwayne and his sidekick little farmer Willie tilling up the soil (not sure why)

Willie loved it!

Look at that cute face!

Here is what they harvested. Some banana peppers and green onions.

Every night after his bath, William has to run into his daddy's office to say good night.

Dwayne put the pen down for a second and of course those curious and fast fingers had to try writing with a pen too!

Even though William scribbled all over Dwayne's paper he thought it was cute and says he will save that page forever to remember the first time his boy wrote with a pen.

H1N1- Do it or not?

Getting the H1N1 vaccination has been the talk of the nation as well as the #1 subject in the Ismail household. We have been debating over and over about what to do. Many years ago when Dwayne worked in a big corporation (and the economy was stable) the company paid for all employees to get a traditional flu shot. Dwayne got his and ended up with the flu a couple weeks later. I think this had made me feel negatively about the flu shot as far as the fact that there is no guarantee you will not get sick. It's simply a preventative measure. Now with this newer strain of flu in the air we all have to make decisions on how we will handle things for our families. We did so much research and watched at least a dozen documentaries and still it seems like a tough choice as to what we should do.

Our kids' schools are offering the vaccine free of charge to the student body on a first come first served basis. We have declined. As a family we have decided to take some alternative precautions. We are all thankfully in optimal health so we are taking vitamin D and C supplements as well as incorporating some healthy food choices full of these vitamins as well. That accompanied by good hand washing and getting ample rest and exercise will hopefully keep us healthy. If we do get ill we will immediately report to the doctor and not try to wait it out. This was such a hard decision for us and I really hope it was the right one. It's one of those damned if you do, damned if you don't scenarios.

What about you? Did you get either the flu shot or H1N1 shot? Have you had the swine flu or any of your family members? I wonder if our President got one.

Mom = Taxi Driver

It's getting to be that time of year again...parents you know just what I'm talking about. School is about to be back in session here in Columbia and I know it has already started back in a lot of other cities. My car has been tuned up, oil and filter changed, wipers checked and all greased up and ready to go go go! My mommy taxi driver gig is back in session! I have already started driving kids to tryouts and practices. This week is orientation and registration for both girls. I will be driving for at least an hour or two each day (not counting waiting periods). Too bad kids don't have gas money hee hee!

Much better night

I think Dwayne might be on to something or it is just a fluke. He came up with an idea to get William to sleep better at night. Here's the plan:

• turn of the television
• bathe and feed William and then put him on the floor to exercise (wear himself out)
• Light candles (out of reach of course)
• when he shows signs of being ready to sleep then down he goes.

Outcome: We had to make sure he was okay this morning since he did not want to wake up! 8 am is a good wake-up time if you ask me! Dwayne has one or two good ideas every so often ;)