How to Handle a Child Custody Agreement After a Divorce

Thank you so much Joseph Freeman for this guest post

If you are going through a divorce right now then I know just what you are going through and although this is a really tough time for you, things will get better. This time 4 years ago I was sat with a Sydney family lawyer talking through my options, as my wife and I were getting divorced. Even if things are amiable now, if there are kids involved then it is going to get worse before it gets better. As I thought would happen, my wife got custody of our two girls, which wasn’t very easy. Life goes on however, and here is how this situation is best handled.

Accept It

There are some legal grounds to appeal decisions in these situations but there really is little point, the decision very rarely gets reversed and things being dragged on for longer is not going to be good for anyone. In order to come to terms with this and for everyone’s sanity, the best thing to do is learn to accept the decision as quickly as possible.

Live by the Rules

It is very tempting to try and make tweaks and changes to what happens with the kids but I have always found it best to just stay within the rules that have been laid out by the authorities. I had a friend who kept their kid an extra day after verbally agreeing it with his ex-wife, she later denied it and they got into all sorts of trouble, so I’ve learned that this is not worth doing at all, stick to the rules and you’ll be just fine.

Keep Everyone Involved 

If any changes are made, mutually or otherwise, then it always makes sense to keep a written record of what has happened and keep the authorities involved. What I have found to be the best practice here is overdoing it when it comes to offering up information, every day change, every vacation, whatever it is, let it be heard. In doing this you can be sure to protect yourself, as you never know what the future may hold.

Children Aren’t Pawns

No matter what your feelings are towards your ex-partner, you should never air them in front of you kids. Something else which you should never do is use your kids as pawns in the battle of chess that you may be having with your ex. Children never want their parents to split up and you have to remember that they are the victims in all of this. Children need as much normality as possible, you shouldn’t try to win them over with treats and money, nor should you try to compete with your ex when it comes to spending quality time with the kids. Be a good parent and treat your kids just as you would if they were still at home with both parents.

Trust me that things will get better, you just need to stay strong.

Joseph Freeman

Teaching Your Kids About Money

Do your kids know that money doesn’t grow on trees? Here are some helpful tips for each age group.

You don’t have to wait until your kids are teenagers. You can start talking to them about the basics of money as early as preschool. Here are some tips about how to talk to your kids about money at any age:

• From ages three to five you can teach kids that money can be exchanged for things. Explain to them the difference between pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters.
• From ages five to nine you can start giving them an allowance. This is also a good time to explain bank accounts and what it means when a bank account earns interest.
• From ages nine to 13 you can help them open a savings account. Encourage them to save their allowance towards a goal (a new toy or a DVD). You might even consider setting up a matching savings plan like most companies do with a 401(k). This is also a good time to start talking to them about the idea of keeping a minimum balance based on the savings account requirement. You can also introduce the concept of keeping savings in case of emergency. Even though they won’t need to pay for an emergency at such a young age, you can explain the importance of keeping a nest egg.
• From ages 13 to 15 you can expand your children’s allowance to include more expensive items like clothes or gifts for friends. This is also a good time to introduce entrepreneurship. Encourage your kids to earn their own money with jobs for neighbors and friends.  Arrange for them to have an ATM card so they can withdraw money from their savings account.
• From ages 15 to 18 and up you can help your children open a checking account with a debit card. Teach them how to manage their account online or with mobile banking. You can even go old school and show them how to use a check register. This is also a good time to talk fiscal responsibility about when they go off to college. Be very clear about what expenses you will pay for which ones they will cover.

Explaining money management to your kids can start out with something as simple as giving them an allowance. If you talk to them regularly, teach by your own fiscally responsible example and give them the right tools, you will do more than teach them about money basics. You will instill in them a respect for earning and saving money that will hopefully set them on a path to being financially independent and responsible in adulthood.

How Being Middle-Aged Has Changed My Life

I have been going through so many changes this year. It has been an unfortunate year filled with loss in a lot of different ways. I have really learned who is truly in my corner, through good and bad. It turns out that number has tremendously dwindled, and I struggled with it. I have been taking time out for myself to rest, refresh, and reset almost daily. If I'm not close to 100% emotionally and physically, well then I'm simply no good to anyone.

I have experienced some really great things this year. When I chose to stop focusing so hard on what I have lost, it opened my heart and mind to clearly see how much I have gained.

• Worrying- I had to put a stop to this. I became so immersed in worry/anxiety/panic that it started to affect my well-being. I had to pound into my head that I can't change or control everything. Obsessing over things that might go the wrong way, or maybe go the right way isn't living. I had to come to a point where I say to myself, "Whatever the outcome may be, I will deal with it". As small as that might seem, it has helped me a lot. Things are going to happen the way they are intended. I can't do a thing about anything that has happened in the past. I can only focus on what's to come. 
• Putting myself first- Most women don't know what this even means or how you even do it. I have made my health and happiness a priority. That is not negotiable. I no longer feel guilty doing nice things for myself or even indulging in what I want. As long as I don't go above my means, I allow myself the pleasures of life. I don't skimp on things for myself any more. 
• Eating and sleeping- It's so hard sometimes to eat properly when all you want is cheese fries and sushi. I still fight hard to maintain balance, but don't deny myself of what I really want on occasion. I do drink plenty of water daily, and know if I haven't had enough by the way I feel. I find myself taking naps as I need. I don't worry about the dishes in the sink because they will still be there when I get up. Some nights I go to bed before 10:00. A well-rested Shelly is a happy Shelly. 
• Protecting my spirit- I have been staying away from watching the news. The negativity really gets to me, especially when it deals with sexual abuse. It has come to the point where I have to deactivate some of my social media accounts for short periods of time. If it's not positively feeding my spirit, I steer clear of it. 
• Saying no- For most of my life, I have felt a deep obligation to doing things for people. I would feel so guilty to not help. It has come to a point that if my gut tells me to say no, I say just that. The best part is I offer little to no explanation. Now that's some real growth right there! 
• Ditching the planner- I have spent way too many years planning every single moment of my life down to the minute. I dumped my planner somewhere in my office and life has gone smoothly since then. Sometimes my husband will ask me if I want to take a ride to the beach or up north on a whim. This normally would have freaked me out because it wasn't planned, but now I don't care. I grab my shoes and bag and GO! 
• Getting in pictures- I learned some time last year that my husband has been sneaking photos of me every time we travel. He would take pictures while I was applying make-up or cooking. I saw some of the photos and was like, you better not let anyone see these awful pictures of me! He didn't see it that way at all. He explained that my true essence shined through as I did the things I would normally do. I was being ME. He simply wants our children to have photos to look back on of me doing things either for myself, with them, or with him. Memories is what it's about. I've stopped being so hard on myself and started hopping in front of the lens instead of behind it. All of my 'imperfections', belly pooch and all are perfectly me, and I have grown to accept them.

Although I have experienced significant growth over the last year, I know I still have more to go. I'm open to it and not letting fear get in my way. So what's next? I don't know, and I don't intend on planning for it. I will let things be. Thanks for stopping by today.

Head in the Sand: Why the Most Dangerous Thing an Addicted Person Can Do is Nothing

Burying your head in the sand is one of the most dangerous things you can do if you have an addiction problem. These things don’t go away by themselves. You have to take action if you want to get your drinking problem back under your control. It’s not easy to do that, but it’s certainly better than doing nothing at all. So, here are some more reasons why inaction is so dangerous.

Inaction Means That Their Mindset is Wrong

When someone who has an addiction does nothing about the situation they’re in, it suggests that their mindset is completely wrong. When a person’s mindset is completely wrong, there is not much hope of that person getting the help that they urgently need. That’s why addictions can be so tricky to deal with. Mindsets are perhaps more difficult to change that the physical problems themselves. You have to be in the right frame of mind and have the right kind of outlook if you are going to make a huge change to your life.

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Other People Can’t Force Someone to Change Their Way of Thinking

People can’t force themselves to change their way of thinking either. On top of that, other people can’t force them to change how they think. So, if someone has a friend or relative who has a drug problem, it won’t be solved by pressuring them into change. Addicts normally have to hit rock bottom before they make changes to the way in which they live. Other people can only point them in the right direction and give them the support and advice they need. Beyond that, the addict themselves have to be in charge and control of what happens.

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Problems Pile Up Quickly for Addicted People

Another issue is the fact that problems can pile up very quickly for people who are experiencing addiction. It’s not just the physical addiction that has to be addressed. There also has to be an approach to dealing with the other impacts on your lifestyle that an addiction can have. You can have career problems, fall out with friends and family because of your problem and even have to move out of your home if you have money problems. If you have trouble with the police because of an addiction, you should turn to top-rated DWI lawyers to help you. But when all of these problems pile up, you’ll regret having not taken action sooner.

It Often Takes a Big Problem to Wake Them Up

Sometimes, it takes a big problem to hit a person before they wake up and realize the situation that they’re in. When they hit by a problem that makes them think about how bad their situation has got, that person might then take steps in the right direction. Unfortunately, it can be even harder to recover from the problem because the addiction will probably already be at an advanced stage by then. That’s why it’s always better to take action sooner rather than later if you can.

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Happiness Is A Choice

I'm very certain that regardless of where you live, you are aware of the craziness all around. I am not making this post about anything in particular, but I will say that I CHOOSE happiness every single day. My peace is important to me. If I am a wreck, I can't be a good wife, mother or friend. My son depends on me being 110% since I have a big role in his education. I have certain feelings that have been brewing like a raging storm inside of me. I am choosing to channel that energy into action. I will remain the friendly and loving person I am. I will continue to teach my children that there is so much goodness in the world. I will have fun dates with my husband more often because frankly, he keeps me from going over the edge. I will also laugh and smile even more. 

I know it seems easier said than done to be happy, but truly it is a choice. I'm not as spiritual as most people I know, but I do have faith that everything is going to be alright. Heal yourself and choose to spread love and happiness all around. Thanks for reading. Have a grand week! xoxo

Coping When You Can't Work - The Definitive Guide

Life is always throwing unexpected challenges our way. Some say that this is what keeps life interesting. Others whinge and moan about all the changes. But all of us have the strength inside to tackle the things that come up, no matter how tough they get. This inner strength is the pillar we all need to rely on when the hard times hit. Of course, it’s a lot easier when you’ve got love and support on your side!

Perhaps one of the hardest things to handle these days is the news that you need to take some time out of work. Most of us love the idea of a break from the daily grind. But the reality of the situation is that you can be thrust into financial hardship. From here, things can escalate. Debts, anxiety, stress and the breakdown of relationships are common side effects of losing a job. But it is even harder when your health or body has let you down. So how can you cope?

Have you have recently developed an illness that has meant you need to stop working? It’s worth checking if you are due any benefit top up or compensatory pay out to help you get by. Accidents in the street, the car or at work are typical reasons for needing time off to heal. You can get advice on this from a lawyer to find out what your rights might be. But the first person you need to speak to is your boss. Quitting your job is not a good idea right now. Instead, see if you can take your leave that is owed. Once that is used up, ask for more. Some employers can be very understanding and helpful. They value their best employees.

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Even if your employer can’t offer you your wage for long-term absence, there are many benefits to staying with the company on paper. For a start, it’s a job you can go back to in the future if your health allows. And if you need to find a new employer in the future, it looks better on your resume to have unbroken periods of employment. In some places the employer is required to continue paying into pension or national insurance funds while you are on long-term leave. It may depend on your location, the company you work for, and the reason for your absence. Check with your HR department.

The longer you are away from your regular job, the harder it can be to cope emotionally. If you are able to do any remote working, it is worth asking your employer to provide it. Keeping busy and useful is very helpful for your emotional well-being. Being in pain and physically drained can begin to wear you down mentally. Finding things that you can do, even little things can be hugely beneficial. On your good days, it might be possible to head into your workplace to catch up with colleagues and stay in the loop.

Being on your own at home can be very lonely and isolating. It’s important for your general health to get outside, enjoy some fresh air and some light exercise. If you can afford the therapies you need to help you heal, then consider investing in them. A proactive approach can often help your case if you are claiming compensation as well. Make the time to undertake the exercises that recommended to you. Over time, little by little, these might have the positive effect you are looking for.


Everyday tasks can suddenly become incredibly difficult when you’re ill or disabled. Adapting your home to help you manage them could be crucial to provide you with the independence you’re looking for. A positive frame of mind can go a long way here. Support from your friends, family and carers are essential to help you find ways around the trickier tasks. Soon you will be able to manage better. Patience and perseverance are hard to muster when you’re feeling low about things. Don’t be afraid to ask for counseling and other emotional support.

Chances are you will occasionally have good days when you feel stronger and more able than before. These are the days when you need to tackle the things that could help you the most on the worst days. Batch cook and freeze a few meals for when cooking will be just too hard to do. Tackle the laundry pile. Catch up with those friends you haven’t heard from in a while. There may be plenty of other things you can think of that need doing or that you want to do. Having a list to choose from can be quite inspiring and motivating as well.

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Money may be your biggest worry, and that’s understandable. As soon as you know that work will be scarce for a while, contact your landlord or mortgage provider. If they know you may struggle to cover your housing costs, they can help you make arrangements to avoid an eviction. Stop using credit cards or borrowing if you can as this will end up very expensive when you can’t promptly repay them. Pull out your household budget and make all the cuts you can. Subscription TV, gym memberships, and eating out might be first to go. You won’t be able to cut the monthly outgoings as much as you want, but every little helps.

Next, consider your grocery budget. Could you choose cheaper brands? Can you cut down on snacks? Would you be prepared to give up chocs, desserts, and treats for a few weeks? See if you can knock a little off next week’s shopping bill. You may find your heating and lighting bills increase because you are at home most of the time. Can you reduce drafts, and choose cheaper-to-run lightbulbs? If investing in a wooly sweater means you are comfortable with the heat on a degree lower, it could be worth doing.

Making the most of this time you are healing is important for your health. Resurrect old hobbies, or meet new people online. Most importantly, look after you. Be well.

When Life Gives You Lemons ... Keep Your Head to the Future (Guest post)

2013 is a year that I’ll mark down as one with plenty of ups and downs.

I had the wonderful experience of moving into a new apartment with my girlfriend, becoming a proud owner of a husky puppy, and I did rather well in my work.

Though …

The last few months have been somewhat rough. I lost two of my grandparents and my girlfriend lost one of hers. There were a few rocky parts about the “what’s next” in the relationship. The holidays certainly added to the overall pressure.

But in the end, I am grateful for what I have experienced. It really helps to shine a light on the important things in life. It reminds you of the old saying of “when life gives you lemons … make lemonade” but, for me, it became a thought of “look to the future”.

The things that became Increasingly Important

I can’t speak for all of us, but when you’re faced with these types of ups and downs, you can’t help but think of the big picture.

The more I age, the more it has become increasingly important (and apparent) that I figure out what’s in store for my future.

These are items like:
•  If I had a child how would I pay for their college?
•  Why do I get wrapped up in the “rat race”?
•  How am I going to plan for my retirement?

I know these are some of the very same thoughts you have and I believe I might be able to share a bit of wisdom about these topics.

1. Keeping Healthy

I like the concept of “your body is your temple” because it helps you understand that you have just one and what you put into it really does matter.

It doesn't matter if you let yourself go, if you’re already lean, or if you’re dealing with some kind of setback. What matters is that you take control of your health and the best way, on the fundamental level, is through proper food.

Don’t continually wait for the New Year to make a commitment to better living. Start learning healthier options for your cooking. Start getting out there and exercising (even just 15 minutes a day). Get the whole family involved – get them excited.

You’ll add years to your life if you make the commitment to be healthy – and you’ll certainly want to see the same for your family.

2. Finding Acknowledgment in a Career

Being proud of your work and gaining acknowledgement of your commitment is very rewarding on a psychological level.

I noticed this with my grandparents. They were from another time so they were the type to put in the hard hours even when the task was far out of their league. They went through times far worse than mine and came out very successful.
I think you should do the same.

Your career doesn't need to suck away the time you can spend with the family. On the contrary, you should strive to increase proficiency in work rather than throwing more time at it. Not only will you have that extra time to spend with the family but you’ll set in motion what’s needed (savings and investments) to ensure your child has the opportunity for a higher education.

3. Knowing what’s at the end

We all meet our end, which is a scary thought in and of itself, but even scarier when you think about what you leave behind to your children.
Bills? Maybe. Inheritance? Hopefully.

It doesn't matter how you start – just the fact that you do start planning for your retirement. This can involve any number of savings plans. Schwab recommends investing in an IRA account, but that's just one of multiple options.

You won’t always have the same energy or skill set to compete in your career. You will eventually retire. You also want to plan for the unexpected (those lemons).

Get real about your life and how you impact others. Save anything (even a little) for the future. Give up chasing material possessions that holds you back from enjoying the bigger picture. Solidify the well-being of your family (and all those after) by committing to planning for the end.

Finally, a multi-vitamin I can take with ease! SmartyPants Gummy Vitamins review

For my entire adult life, I have had difficulty taking multi-vitamins and dietary supplements. Apparently I am allergic to a certain combination of vitamins that bring on flu-like symptoms. Crazy, huh? When I was offered a sample of SmartyPants gummy vitamins to review, I did some quick research. I wanted to read up on them before committing to try them out. My first thought was that my oldest daughter can't take vitamins because she has great difficulty swallowing pills. If anything, she might benefit from them. I decided that she would be the one to review this product in my place. 

Her initial reaction was, "Yum!". She loved the flavors and the fact that she felt like it was more of a treat than anything. I was so curious that I had to try them for myself. I was very nervous because the last thing I would want is to come down with cold/flu symptoms. I went for it and tried them out for a week. Guess what? No bad reactions were had! I couldn't believe it! I finally found something I could take to supplement my relatively healthy diet. They worked out very well for my daughter and she decided that she wants to buy them for herself when she starts her job. 

Here are some facts about SmartPants All-in-One Gummy Vitamins for Adults: 

• Only Multivitamin + Omega 3s + Vitamin D gummy on the market!
• Excellent Source of Omega 3 DHA+EPA* from eco friendly small fish oil
• 225% of the US RDI for Vitamin D + includes 9 other nutrients
• No High Fructose Corn Syrup, artificial flavors, colors, or preservatives.
• Gluten & casein free. Made in California in a GMP-certified facility

You can check out SmartyPants on the web or connect with them on Facebook. 

Strangest Celebrity Deaths

Although death is an inevitable part of life, some of us don’t like to think about our own mortality. In choosing to write a will, we can prepare our families for that unexpected time, and we will be safe in the knowledge that they will be cared for. We all have to prepare for the unexpected, like some of these stories from the celebrity world tell is.

Natalie Wood

The famous West Side Story star’s death in 1981 was judged as accidental drowning; however, even to this day, her death is shrouded in mystery. Away on a weekend boat trip with her husband, Robert Wagner and the actor Christopher Walken, it is generally believed that some foul play is involved in her death. Talk of alcohol fueled arguments on the boat the night before, as well as bruises found on her body has led many conspiracy theorists to believe that this death was no accident. Almost 30 years later, her death was changed to ‘undetermined’ after a review of the case; however, questions remain.

Brandon Lee

Like his father, Bruce Lee, Brandon echoed his father’s footsteps by exiting the world at a similarly young age in 1993 (Bruce was 32, Brandon 28). Unlike his father, Brandon Lee was killed on a film set, when a gun prop contained an actual bullet. His death was ruled accidental, but inevitably succumbed to continued conspiracy theories about he and his father’s death.

Steve Irwin

Despite living and working with the world’s most dangerous animals, it was a stingray attack in 2006 that killed the notorious ‘Crocodile Hunter’ in a bizarre accident. Whilst filming a documentary about the ocean’s deadliest animals, a stingray approached Irwin while he was snorkeling and pierced him in the chest with its tail spine (believed to be a defensive reaction). He was pronounced dead at the scene, and the charismatic wildlife expert was mourned worldwide as well as in his native Australia.
Many deaths remain unpredictable, yet some will remain unexplained. Though we probably won’t succumb to any of these incidents, it is always wise to remain prepared for death by writing a will. Whilst you might not hold the fortune of these celebrities, yours is still valuable and needs to be taken care of. If you fear that any problems might arise surrounding your will, you should contact specialists like http://www.disputingwills.co.uk immediately.

I remember hating when people would tell me I looked so young

I can remember my teenage years so well. I was always the smallest of my peers weighing no more than 92 pounds in my senior year. It bothered me that no matter how much I would eat, I still looked scrawny. Even worse than being so small was the fact that adults often thought I was 12. That used to make me so angry to the point of tears. I remember when everyone thought my younger sister was older than me. Talk about devastation!

I was 20 when I was pregnant with my first daughter. I remember the stares I received from people and often heard them say "babies having babies". I was married and old enough to have a child, yet people still assumed I was 14. I hated looking so young. When would anyone take me seriously? For years after, folks would ask if my daughters were my younger sisters or if I was the babysitter. I was always the "young mom" at the girls' elementary and middle school. I felt so left out. Years later I come to find out that a lot of those moms were very close to my age and some were even younger!

Fast forward to the present... I am 39 years old and I thoroughly enjoy when nobody believes that I have three kids and the fact that two of them are teens! I have to tell other moms I know that are going through the same thing how much they will appreciate being "too youthful looking" when they get older. So now my 18 year old daughter is going through the same thing I did. Most people think she is 14 and gets mistaken as the younger sister to her little sister. I keep telling her that it is a good thing to look so young. She hates it. In due time she will learn.